Insomniac Nights
by ThatFilmStudent
Summary: One November night, insomnia hits both Remus and Lily. So, with no solution, they decide to sit in their seats and have one of their infamous 4AM talks. Friendship fic. Hints of future James/Lily and Remus/Sirius.


**Insomniac Nights – 11.08.16**

 **DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters.**

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The Gryffindor Tower was cold that night. Not unsurprisingly so. November wasn't exactly known for being a warm month. Especially not in Scotland. The sky outside, although it was early in the morning, was a mix of darks blues and greys. The mix seemed to make everything seem just that little bit colder than they actually were. The bright light emanating from the near-full moon and omnipresent twinkling of stars in the bluish grey sky did nothing to dispel the feeling of coldness and vast insignificance. The sky helped to create a feeling of emptiness and loneliness.

Inside the Tower, stillness reigned. The dorms were mostly quiet, except for the odd ruffle of bedsheets here and there, or rhythmic snoring and heavy breathing. But in the Gryffindor common room, it was almost silent. The only noises that could be heard and broke the silence were that of the crackling fire – which provided not much light for the large room – and the howling wind that crashed against the Tower's walls and windows and carried strident raindrops that lashed against the window glass.

The bold gusty wind seemed to have no direction and hit the bricks of the Tower from all kinds of different angles. It brought along with it the heavy raindrops which created an inconsistent rumbling from being thrashed this way and that. The Tower's windows creaked now and again when a particularly harsh gust of wind hit and the bricks whistled with the force of the wind forcing its way into small cracks and crevices.

Remus Lupin sat on the windowsill watching the rains splatter against the thick glass windows and bounce off only to be replaced by another set of large raindrops. The action repeated again and again almost rhythmically. The actions of the wind and rain, as well as the sounds of the crackling fire, made Remus feel almost calm.

Remus watched through the watery windowpanes at the dark, almost black, silhouettes of the trees of the Forbidden Forest as they were thrashed every which way by the howling winds. He smiled absently at the thought of the rough treatment they were getting. A sort of payback for the treatment he himself received. Not that it was the Forest's fault, he knew. But that didn't stop the small smile that crept upon his face.

He revelled in the ominous silence of the common room. It was never quiet in the common room. Especially not the _Gryffindor_ common room. Gryffindor's were known for being loud and brave. The common room was often awash with loud conversations and performances. Unless, of course, it was after 3am on a Wednesday morning. Or, Remus wondered, was it still Tuesday night since he hadn't technically gone to sleep yet?

Remus sighed as he looked at the night sky. The vastness of it made Remus feel somewhat lonely. Out there were millions of planets. How many, he pondered, of these worlds had a being that was staring at the sky too? How many versions of himself were there out there? On other planets or in other universes?

The near-full moon caught his attention. Like a big, bright, demanding orb in the sky that controlled his life. He glared at it as if it were its fault that he couldn't sleep. Which, in a way, he supposed, it was. Remus hadn't always had trouble sleeping. His insomnia had only begun when he started Hogwarts. Before that, he'd slept relatively fine apart from the insistent nightmares. Since he was five years old, around the Full Moon times, he'd had repetitive and worsening nightmares. Only natural to have nightmares around the Full Moon times, he supposed. After what had happened and what he knew was going to happen around then.

It seemed that, when Remus had gotten into Hogwarts, he had subconsciously decided that, in order to stop people other than his family seeing him have nightmares, he would just have to stay awake. It seemed that his mind decided that bouts of insomnia would replace his bouts of nightmares. So, it was the moon's fault, really. He couldn't sleep because of the moon's cycle. Because of what happened because of the moon. That's not to say that he didn't sleep at all. He slept quite fine for most of the month. But, when it came close to a Full Moon, he would have these sleepless nights and tiresome days. And, being the Gryffindor he was, he would suffer these nights – and sometimes weeks – in silence.

He would toss and turn in his bed and _try_ to find the sleep that would never come. Or he would read books and catch up on schoolwork. Or, sometimes, when he had restless nights, he'd workout. But when he knew sleep wouldn't come, and he had already caught up on work, and he was restful, he'd just sit and wait placidly. He would wait for morning to arrive so he could spend his time with his friends.

He knew his friends knew of his sleep problems, and that they worried about him. But they rarely voiced their concerns these days. These days, it would be his friends (like Dorcas Meadowes or Marlene McKinnon or Frank Longbottom, or even Xenophilius Lovegood) that would ask if he'd had enough sleep and he would say that he was fine. They would leave it at that but still ask some time later. The Marauder's and Lily would only ask now if they deemed it necessary. They had gotten used to Remus' evasion techniques and now opted to only ask when they thought it was serious.

Remus thought back to breakfast that morning when James had asked where Remus had been since he didn't wake up in the dorm. Remus had told him what he was in the common room and there was no need to worry. Remus had noticed the shared look between James and Sirius but he elected to ignore it and carry on eating his breakfast.

Remus loved his friends. He really did. He hadn't had many friends growing up since he'd moved from town to town. And when he came to Hogwarts and met these people, he was ecstatic that people actually liked him. They didn't judge him – even after the Marauders (and eventually Lily) found out about his lycanthropy. He loved that they cared so much. He just wished that they feel as though they had to worry about him so much. He was grateful that they did. That he had someone there for him. But he didn't like being the reason they worried.

"Hi," sounded a soft, almost harmonious, voice from behind Remus startling him from his thoughts.

He spun around on the spot and nearly fell off the windowsill. He steadied himself and looked at the redheaded, emerald eyed girl who stood behind him. "Hi," he said faintly before smiling a small smile. She smiled back and nodded her head, gesturing to the space next to him. He nodded and turned back around.

As she sat down, Remus looked on through the lashing rain on the window at the Black Lake that was disturbed only by the heavy rainfall and soaring winds. On occasion, someone would wake up in the middle of the night and join him at the windowsill. Sometimes just to sit. Sometimes they would talk. Sometimes they would just stare out of the window, both wrapped up in their own thoughts.

Most of the time, it was Lily Evans who sat with him. She often had trouble sleeping too. For different reasons, of course. She didn't have a 'furry little problem'. No, she just had a big brain that sometimes refused to shut off.

They sat in silence for a few moments before Lily turned to him and broke it. "So," she began softly. "Can't sleep?" She asked the question although she already knew the answer. Lily knew Remus had trouble sleeping. He would often blame it on the Full Moon, but Lily had sat with him at times in the middle of the moon cycle when he was at his healthiest. He had the same problem that she did, she had observed. He sometimes just couldn't stop thinking.

"No," Remus answered distractedly. "You?"

"No," she replied gently. They sat in a companionable silence for a few moments again. Lily wondered how Remus could stand these nights of insomnia. He had them a lot and he seemed to have nothing to do. She didn't have them as often, but when she did, she would be aggravated. He never seemed to be, which puzzled her greatly. She liked having someone there to share her nights with but she worried that he _always_ seemed to be there when she was awake.

"What're you thinking about?" Remus asked conversationally.

Lily started slightly but recovered quickly. "I, um, I was just thinking about…" She frowned in thought. "I don't know, really…" Lily, for some reason, seemed not to remember what she had been thinking just moments earlier. It must have been one of those thoughts that she had often enough that it got jumbled in with the rest of the times she had thought them. "Just passing thoughts, I guess," she reasoned. "What about you?" she asked, turning her head slightly to look at Remus through her peripheral vision.

He stared ahead and thought of his response. "Honestly? I was wondering what you were thinking about," he smirked. "I was wondering why you were awake," he stated quietly as an afterthought.

"It's an awful night, isn't it?" Lily asked, turning back just as a large gust of wind hit the window, throwing rain at them and shaking the window slightly. The bricks whistled.

Remus huffed a laugh. "I quite like it, actually," he smiled contently. _A raging storm_ , he thought to himself, _how poetic_. "It's calming."

Lily frowned at him. "Is it? The wailing cold wind and pummel of the rain?"

"Yeah. It's… natural. Continuous… Nothing to stop it. Nothing can stop it. It's just the way things are," he muttered quietly. "It'll always be the same. For everyone."

Lily looked at him, confusion written all over her face. She didn't quite understand what he was trying to say but she nodded all the same. There was a storm outside, and Remus liked it? Maybe, she considered, it was a metaphor of some sort? Maybe he was fighting his own inner storm? She knew she was herself.

Remus hadn't meant to be so vague, but he didn't know how to explain why he liked it. It was just the way things were – natural, consistent, unchanging. It would always be the same, no matter how much changed, there would always be storms like this. So much was changing and he liked the fact that there were some things that wouldn't change. The weather – the Earth – didn't judge or discriminate. It just was. Even in his own mind, he couldn't articulate what he felt.

"Why do you think you can't sleep?" Remus asked after a little while.

"I don't know," Lily answered honestly. She knew she should be logical and say that she was overthinking but, she wasn't. Sleep just wouldn't come for her, and she didn't know why. She hadn't been thinking about anything in particular. She had, she supposed, been thinking about her recent-made friends – the Marauder's. But that shouldn't have been enough to keep her awake. "What about you? Why do you think you can't sleep?"

Remus pondered the question for a moment before turning to look at her. "Well," he began as his hazel-amber eyes met her emerald eyes. "I could say it was the moon," he glanced quickly at the near-full moon before returning his gaze to the bright green eyes of his friend, "Or, it could be because I was thinking too much to allow sleep to take me." He paused for a moment to gauge her reaction. When she stared back at him with a neutral expression, he continued. "Or, I could say it was because I was thinking about a particular person…"

She flinched a little at the words he said. He hadn't said them maliciously or loudly. In fact, he had said them so gently that, if the common room had been full, the words would have been lost. They were so soft. No, she flinched because he had said something that resonated with her. She had been thinking of someone. Well, a bunch of people, but one in particular.

"But, I don't know," he said nonchalantly as he shrugged one shoulder. He turned back to stare out of the window, pleased that he had found out why she was awake. Usually she would be able to tell him why she was awake and what was keeping her awake but, he reckoned she didn't even know herself why she was awake. Now, they both did. She had someone on her mind.

Lily turned to look out of the window. She had been thinking of the Marauder's earlier that night. But one James Potter had been the main focus of her thoughts. Not in a particular way. Just that she had noticed a change in him since halfway through sixth year and it had only grown since they had started their seventh and final year at Hogwarts. It was a change that she didn't find awful.

It was nearly December and Lily had noticed that James had started maturing. Their Hallowe'en prank, although she feigned indifference and disapproval, had actually been quite funny and well thought out. And, it didn't damage anyone. He seemed to actually be growing up. She didn't curse or hex him nearly as much as he used to and she quite admired the thinking process that had gone into the prank. She knew they must have studied up extra for it, which she did approve of.

And, when James wasn't with Sirius Black (which was rare but happened more since the beginning of the year), he was quite – dare she say it? – sweet. He would ask for help politely in classes and didn't ask her out. He also, she noticed, seemed to take his Head Boy duties seriously. When he was with Black, though, he was different. Not necessarily in a bad way. He was more confident and he tended to show off. They both did, she realised. He did ask her out a lot though, but she didn't mind because it wasn't as pestering as it had been in fifth year.

Lily recalled something her mother had told her years ago – when she was a child – about why she found it difficult to sleep sometimes. "Y'know," Lily started quietly breaking their comfortable silence once again. "I once heard that if you're awake and you can't sleep, it's because you're awake in someone else's dream," Lily said quietly.

"Really? Could you tell them to stop dreaming of me, then?" Remus joked and smirked. Lily let out a faint laugh and tucked a rogue strand of hair behind her ear. "Who d'you think's dreaming of you?" he asked turning his head to face the redhead.

Lily blushed a little and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know," she sighed. She had an idea, of course, if the Old Wives Tale was true.

Remus smiled knowingly. "I think you do," he said ominously.

"What does that mean?" Lily asked curiously, tilting her head to one side. Remus merely shrugged and smirked as if he knew something. "Who do you think is dreaming you?" she flung the question back. Remus shook his head lightly and shrugged again but Lily noticed the faint blush in his cheeks. She smirked. "I think you do," she repeated.

Remus chuckled. "Maybe I do," he said so quietly that Lily had to strain her ears to hear him.

"Who?" Lily asked after a while of pondering to herself whether she should ask or not.

"No one," Remus replied, smiling sadly.

Lily nodded and sighed. "Sirius," she stated quietly. She reckoned it was Black, he was talking about. They had grown closer, it seemed, since their spat in fifth year. And, with James being as busy as he was now, it only made sense that Black resort to spending more time with Remus. She had noticed them just sitting together in the library or common room, or by the lake.

She would have written it off as friendship but after the last Full Moon, when Remus was in the hospital, she had walked into the Hospital Wing to find Remus asleep and Sirius draped over the chair next to his hospital bed. She didn't want to wake either of them up, so she had put the chocolates and handwritten note on the high table next to Remus's bed and left. As she left, though, she almost hadn't caught Sirius's hand clasping Remus's as if he would cease to exist if he let go.

Remus frowned and looked at her. He looked as though he was about to ask her to elaborate until he saw the look on the face. It was the type of look that said 'I already know, there's no point in denying it' – that sort of look. He sighed deeply and turned to look out of the window. He nodded lightly. "James," he stated. From his periphery he could see her nodding just as lightly. "Lily, how long have you liked him?" Remus asked.

Lily thought for a moment. Did she like him like that? "I… I don't know. Since about 30 seconds ago," she joked. Remus grinned at her. "I didn't realise I did like him, to be honest," she answered, looking a little ashamed of herself. How could she like someone and not _know_ she liked them? She looked at Remus and saw him waiting patiently for her to voice what was on her mind.

She took a deep breath and continued. "He's different now, you know? He's respectful towards teachers and students. And he's smart." She looked up to see Remus staring at her intently. She blushed and look out of the window again, twirling and playing with her hair absentmindedly. "I think I started seeing a change in sixth year, when I started to sit with you at dinner and hanging around with you. I… I saw a different side to him. A kinder, sweeter side. Beneath all of the bravado and ego and arrogance. I didn't know he was so loyal before. And, he doesn't hex Severus so much, anymore," she mused.

"My God, I do like him." She frowned at herself, realisation hitting her like a slap across the face. "Bloody hell. I actually fancy James bloody Potter!" She growled to herself. "He's going to be so bloody big headed when he finds out!"

Remus laughed at her annoyance of his friend being right. "You should give him a chance," he suggested. Her head whipped around to glare at him. "But," he amended. "You should make him work for it," he smirked. "Maybe then he won't think he's won."

"He doesn't actually like me, does he?" Lily asked a little nervously. She had thought, in the past, that maybe it was a big joke. Then she had thought that once he got her, he wouldn't be interested because he'd gotten what he couldn't have.

Remus smiled at her encouragingly. He knew what she was thinking. "He does. He has since about third year. He only gathered up the courage to ask you when fifth year swung around. I know he genuinely likes you." He put an arm around her and gave her shoulder and friendly squeeze. "I've been hearing about it for the last four years," he said grudgingly making Lily giggle.

Lily grinned. "I might," she said ambiguously. She might give James a chance. But she would _definitely_ make him work for it. After a moments silence, she asked, "Are you and Black… ya know?"

Remus pondered the question. He knew what she was asking. If they were together or not. But, to be honest, he didn't know. Sirius had told Remus that he really liked him, but they hadn't actually talked about it properly, having been interrupted by Peter and James who wanted to play a game of Wizarding Chess after Sirius had confessed. Remus hadn't actually gotten around to telling him that he liked him back. Remus didn't really know what was happening between the two of them. He didn't know what the next move was. They'd already kissed, so, what was the next move after that? A date?

Lily cleared her throat obviously, making Remus jump and look at her. He looked at the expectant look on her face and realised he hadn't answered yet. "Er, I-I don't know… Maybe?"

Lily nodded understandingly. "I've seen the way you two are," she said casually, twisting her dark fiery hair between her fingers and inspecting it. "He really cares for you."

"I know," he nodded. He recalled a recent memory of when he had fallen asleep on the common room couch by the fire and Sirius had carried him up to the dorms. "He's said."

"Do you like him?"

"I think so," Remus answered. "It's complicated. I don't know what to do," he admitted. He took a deep breath and she leaned in to rest her head on his shoulder. He stiffened but relaxed into the affectionate touch from his friend. "I… We've kissed – a couple of times. And I liked it. But I just don't know what to do now. I mean, what if it ruins our friendship?"

Lily thought for a moment before answering. "It wouldn't. He cares about you too much. And you care about him. You've gone through too much for something such as that to ruin your friendship. And, I think, personally, a relationship with your best friend is the best kind of relationship," she said spiritedly.

Remus smiled. He reckoned she had a point. "Hmm," he hummed thoughtfully, acknowledging her advice. "So, what should I do next?" he asked her, hoping she would have some more wisdom to share.

"I think he wants you to make the next move," Lily said thoughtfully. "I think you need to ask him on a date."

"A date? Like to Madam Puddifoot's? I don't think he'd like that, if I'm honest, Lils," Remus laughed.

Lily grinned and whacked him playfully on the arm. "You know what I mean. Not that kind of date. A 'you' kind of date. Y'know, a trip to Honeyduke's or Zonko's, and then to one of the pubs for a drink. But, without Peter or James. Just you two," she said. "Alone," she emphasised to get her point, of what a 'you' date was, across.

"He'd probably like that," Remus murmured thoughtfully. He had said it more to himself than Lily but she heard nonetheless.

"Yes, he would. Because he really likes you," Lily said animatedly, throwing her hands in the air.

"I might," Remus said not louder than a whisper. They sat together, in silence, and stared out of the window at the grounds below and sky above. The rain had stopped but the wind was still raging on. They were both wrapped up in their own thoughts.

"I'll do it if you do it," Lily said abruptly. Remus made a noise that suggested she needed to elaborate. "I'll give James a chance if you give Sirius one."

After a moment's silence, Remus spoke. "Okay," Remus said simply. "So, I'll ask Sirius on a date, and you say yes to James?"

Lily paused for a moment. "Yes. After I've made him work for it, of course."

"Of course…" He grinned. "Okay. Deal." He held his hand out to her and she took it at a dodgy angle – still having her head on his shoulder and his arm around her shoulders.

"Deal," she smiled. "What time is it?" Lily asked, noticing the sky had lightened slightly.

Remus checked his watch. "Nearly 4am…" he said quietly. "Y'know, I heard something about not being able to sleep, too."

"Hmm?" Lily hummed.

"I heard that if you're still awake at 4am, it's because you're in love or lonely."

Lily pondered the statement for a moment. She let the words sink in. People who are awake at 4am are either in love or lonely? She wondered which one she was, if the statement were true. Was she in love? She doubted it. Who would she be in love with? Was she lonely? She didn't think so. But, how would she know? She'd always felt different. Maybe she was lonely but she didn't know…

Remus thought about whether he was in love or lonely or featuring in someone's dreams. He didn't think he was in love. He'd know if he was in love, right? He doubted he was awake in someone's dreams. There were too many instances of him being awake. If someone was dreaming about him, they had a serious problem, he reckoned. That brought him to his final idea. So, maybe he was lonely. He was used to feeling lonely. He knew the feeling well. Maybe that was the reason he was still awake after all, he thought to himself sadly.

"Wouldn't it be sad to be both?" Lily pondered aloud.

"Yes," Remus smiled sadly. "It would." He tightened his grip on his friend, offering her comfort. She leaned into him more, accepting the comforting hug. He knew she was feeling the same way as he was. And he wanted her to know she wasn't alone.

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 **Note: Thanks for reading.**


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